38 weeks and facing birth fears

Sitting here thinking about the fact that I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and that Brenna could decide to come into the world any time now I began to realize that I have some fears still about my upcoming birth and VBAC. I know a lot more now that I did when I went into my first pregnancy and delivery and that just because something is suggested doesn’t mean that I should have to accept it or that I have the right to request a second opinion or completely fire my attending birth person or nurse. I have learned that there are plenty of natural things to try to change the way I see my birth and the process of my labor contractions are not painful they are waves that I can ride over and overcome knowing there is a time to rest after each one. My hypnobabies has taught me how to relax, medicate, and naturally pain medicate myself just using my mind and my words. This baby and birth are different and will be different and I just have to come to terms with the traumaticness of Naomi’s birth is behind me and has pushed me to learning and becoming the person that I am now. I have changed learned and adapted to know that there is nothing that I cant do or that I cant achieve with all the help support and knowledge that I have gained. I have lots of friends family care providers nurses my doula birth photographer and so many others that support my choices and the birth that I want and believe that I can do it. My husband told me last night that I would bring this baby into the world the way that we had planned and that nothing would ever take that away from me. I can’t wait to go through the process of laboring though it will be hard it is labor so that I can work with my body to do what it was always designed to do and to bring my baby safely calmly and peacefully into the world. I can’t wait to push her out, to catch her in my arms and bring her to my chest, and to hold her and look at the little life that I have grown an nurtured for the last nine months. This birth will be different and completely wonderful and will be nothing like the birth I had with Naomi. I guess the best way to put it is I AM A WOMAN I AM NOT BROKEN I CAN BIRTH MY BABY AND I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. I can’t wait to write my VBAC story and to share with everyone the wonderful pictures and experience that it was. 

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